Yo, douchy neighbor…

Posted on Dec 14 in funny posts, personal storiesby TalinaPrint

Hey, hi. How ya doing?

Me, not so well considering you were banging on our gate at 8 am this morning, making our dog go ape-shit and waking us up. Were you gushing blood or in need of emergency assistance? Nope, seems your car battery was just dead for the 100th time this year and you wanted us to drop everything and give you a jump. Again.

Normally, helping a neighbor out is cool but the list of douchy things you do has been adding up… You remember those hot tub sex parties where you and your guests hang underwear and towels over our shared fence? Not to mention the fact that I CAN SEE your hot tub clearly when I have my window open.

Remember that time your friend used the front of our house as extended airport parking and prevented us from getting postal mail for a week? Remember all the nice notes we left you regarding your friends car and how you ignored them until we called the sheriff on you and almost had that car towed?

Then there is the rotten meat you leave out back near our shared pond. I sure did enjoy dodging my dog’s ass explosions for days following her discovery of your rotten meat pile. Oh and the wild animals that the meat attracted was darn nice too. Especially the skunks.

We sure have shared some great, warm and fuzzy neighbor moments huh? Is it any wonder we don’t give a shit about your dead battery this one time?

So tell me, why don’t you just get the hint and go away? Why is it necessary to return not two but three times to pounding on our gate this morning? Did you think the more annoying you got the better your chances for receiving help?

You are lucky our dog was closed in her house and it was wise that your didn’t open the gate and come to our front door. Had you woken up our daughter there would have been hell to pay.

But seriously, you are a douche. You only care about yourself, you never think of how your actions impact others and frankly it is time to put on those big boy undies and take care of yourself. We know your mommy and daddy own your house and we especially love your fits of “hurry up and make the overgrown yard and trashed house presentable for the parent visit”. Tell me do they still wipe your ass too?

How about just getting the battery draining issue fixed or buy a battery charger that you can have in the garage for times like today. Come to think of it, next time you have a dead battery call your mom to come give you a jump start.

Much love,
Your annoyed neighbors.