Comments on: What can you do about an emotionally draining person?

By: KristyCoombs

KristyCoombs — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 17:53:34 +0000

I understand your feeling! I ask myself the same thing. I can’t just give up on the relationship although I know that is what needs to happen to make me happy!

By: Sally

Sally — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 09:45:39 +0000

My mother JUST drained me.. i am sufering withe issue of not having a baby and she would say how much i need to pray more, how she feels jelous for other peoples daughters when they get babies and she almost killed me. i left the house with my husband and feel much better. why did i ever go to her place after all these years. why? why?

By: ican'tbreathe

ican'tbreathe — Sat, 14 May 2011 14:45:29 +0000

I can’t breathe when my mother is near me. She literally sucks up all of my energy with her constant neediess. Family illnesses (older brother) can bring out so many things in families that were just under the surface. My mother has always been somewhat emotionally abusive to me. I was never able to have my own feelings, I was never good enough, I could always do better, strong need to be perfect, feeling responsible for her mood/emotions, invalidating me by telling me that I exaggerate or that I am not feeling a certain way. I have NEVER felt like I can be me in front of her. She has no idea who I am as a person. She is too caught up in telling me what I should be doing, how it should be done, how I should treat others, how I should feel and show my feelings. I am always in survival mode, walking on eggshells and avoiding rocking the boat at any cost. Now that my brother is sick she is constantly looking for me to fulfill her emotional needs. She is the neediest and most pathetic person I know. She has a toxic personality and is a negative person who has drained me of any emotion I might have had. I feel horrible for my brother and I want to be compassionate towards him but my mother has forced him down my throat. Did you call him, what did he say, did you go over there, what are you doing for him?????? Like somehow I am responsible for the situation or I have some way to change it. I have my own business and a family of my own. I call and talk to him everyday and while I am not able to be there all the time, I try to be there emotionally. Lately it has been difficult to do that however, b/c she has drained me of my emotions.

By: ness

ness — Fri, 06 May 2011 21:35:41 +0000

That’s a very sad story Zoey, and a very perticular case. Some people really do need serious help but others just don’t want to help themselves and there is a honest diffrence. There are people that need help and ask for it and people that ask for help but don’t really want it. If you are dealing with someone who needs serious help, there is only so much one human being can do not being a professional. The person you spoke of needed support but much MUCH more. Don’t feel personally responsible for things that happen when there was truly nothing more you could do other than be someone to lean on. There are people in this world who need professional consuling and care. There are also people that want compassion for situations under their control that they personally don’t want to change. I can only say sorry for your personal situation but there is a diffrence between serious depression and someone who wants to constantly complain and unload on you. People like that need to be left to their own devices but people who honestly need help is another story all together.

By: Zoey

Zoey — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 08:41:42 +0000

I hope you realize that these people are probably going through something and you are not helping them through it. I knew a girl like this and she was going through something that just destroyed her, but she couldn’t say it and her depression just came out in little bits in every aspect of her life, but everyone just thought she was self-pitying herself and she ended up killing herself. I have not forgiven myself for letting that happen to her and I genuinely hope that people will stop interpretting this as you have.

By: KD79

KD79 — Sat, 06 Nov 2010 04:23:40 +0000

There are is a lot of great advice here, I have this acquaintance whom I worked with about 3 years back. I gave her a Bible with my number if she ever needed to talk since I had to go back to college in the fall. I didn’t hear back from her until a month ago, and it was so random… She had told me about this person she was with who was a complete jerk, and she’s still in love with him so much that every time she called, she would keep me on the phone about him for hours if I didn’t tell her I have to go to sleep. I mentioned to her about having limited minutes on my phone and we could use facebook or email, but she rather call and talk for an hour or so about that guy even after I shared a similar experience and how I handled it, and things worked out for the best, true story! She just kept talking about that guy like “someday he’ll want to be with me” I am bewildered why someone would go through all of that again no matter what anyone said… I did try to help but I feel like she just wants me to say “he’s a swell guy, even though he made you walk in the snow to a payphone, while pregnant, to call your mom, just because he didn’t want to lend his phone… really!” I won’t say any names, but this is messed up!

By: Talina

Talina — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 03:16:46 +0000

Kay,
Speak up and tell her that you’d like more give in the give and take friendship. If that gets you nowhere I say distance on.
For me, if the relationship is worth speaking up about my feelings I do. If not I just quietly move on.

By: Kay

Kay — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 16:05:08 +0000

I am dealing with a “friend” right now who fits this article to a T. I have been distancing myself from her because she is emotionally draining and toxic. Everytime I bring up a different topic – away from her usually topic (her abusive boyfriend) the conversation with-in 1 minute is back on him. I have tested this theory multiple times, brought up something like my new job – for example, “I can’t wait to start my new job in the fall – I have already met so many wonderful people, I think it will be a great new start in my life.” Her was her response, “I only wish I could start my life with (his name) – why doesn’t he realise he needs to get a job?”
Is this a normal response to a friend who just told you about how excited she is for a new job?

I think my soon to be ex friend is in for a real life shocker when I completely stop talkin’ to her – she can find someone else to unload her constant 24-7-365 drama on. It is such old news. Ugh.

By: rachel

rachel — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 22:42:40 +0000

As I was reading a self-help skills book and the word came up ( emotionally draining person ) I decided to analyze my own situation , I have been working parttime for the last 18 months and things sometimes get really
thouth and all I need is be hear .No one else will solve
my umnemploymentbut just that Hang in there !! would help me a lot .
Am I been a emotionally drain person ????????

Rachel.

By: pema

pema — Mon, 25 May 2009 19:23:22 +0000

I so realted to this…I have what I would call a distant friend (now). She always has some excessive drama going on at home, work, with friends or fellow spiritual seekers. I initially got caught up, thinking she really needed to talk about her distress, but she then started to become insulting. I am older by 10-12 yrs. and have a physical disability that I am successfully ( but slowly) overcoming. She uses my age and my physical challenge to insult me. Anyone over 50 should just accept death and uselessness, disabled people need to understand they aren’t a focus anyone should have. Medical treatments to assist various illnesses are a waste of precious resources etc., the list can go on. I pulled away and expressed my discomfort with her behavior and comments. She claimed it was because I am over sensitive and passive aggressive and always overreact.

After months of not speaking, she contacted me to tell me of her need for knee surgery, I haave been through it and offered suggestions to make sure she got appropriate treatment and physical therapy. I commiserated as best I could, but didn’t really engage in the “oh, poor me”. It felt like a trap and I wasn’t going there, ever again. She is exhausting. I am always the idiot when speaking to her, no matter the topic. If people are harassing her and I suggest being a bit more open to what they may be trying to tell her, then I am being judgmental and those people know what is affecting them. She has issues at work, but taking them to HR is STUPID, how could I even suggest that. It doesn’t end. I am like this sounding board that is not supposed to respond, she just dumps her stuff and is gone. Shut up and listen !

We don’t actually speak much anymore, she may occasionally e-mail me with some woe and issue, I just wish her well and remind her that she will find out what she needs to do. We don’t discuss anything. I never offered only advice, I listened more than most people would, but when that became a flaw, then I just backed off!

I dread seeing her e-mails.