I should start out by giving some background here. A few bloggers (here and here) are a buzz about parenting choices and being judgmental and it kind of ticks me off a bit.

I am not ticked off because they are okay with things like cry-it-out or because she admitted to NOT breastfeeding or blindly vaccinating. It isn’t the parenting choices that tick me off. Besides, I personally HATE people judging me so the last thing I want to do is get all judgey about someone else’s choices.

I am not of the same mindset on many of the parenting topics that have been mentioned lately but that isn’t the point. The person’s choices are irrelevant, the point is the intention and attitude of declaration that annoys me.

I know I am no saint regarding this. Also, I am not specifically criticizing the bloggers mentioned above. This goes deeper than a few blog posts, but the posts were certainly the breaking point for me.

Why does it have to be all or none? Why the crunchy/ non-crunchy comparison? Why talk about not being judgmental and then list all the things you can think of that you didn’t do as a parent, that invites judgement?

“I had my kids OUT of the hospital, even had one on the internet, live. I try to wear them when I can. I breastfeed them with my boob hanging out everywhere I go. I cloth diaper & use cloth pads.

We delay vaccinations, avoid processed food like the plague. We don’t cry-it-out here, we do co-sleep when needed. I grow my own food and my chickens give us three eggs every morning.”

Did you feel invited to judge me and my choices?

And, in proclaiming your own stances, like the above, are you then condemning those who choose different? It sure can be taken that way.

I know for a fact many of my site followers have taken things I’ve supported or shared out of context and felt judged or needlessly ashamed for taking a different route. For instance, when I shared info about how powdered formula ISN’T sterile.

Or homebirth. Because I choose one for myself does not mean I think you should too. I’d love to help those that are looking to explore home birth options (and I love to help more women be aware of these options) but I am not judging you for birthing in a hospital.

I do worry and sometimes cringe when I read various things people post about their own choices, don’t we all? Especially if a choice or decision was made blindly. Sometimes I even discuss these thoughts with my husband but I wont be stoning you or trolling sites and being confrontational about a difference in choice. That is the difference.

Thinking things and moving on is DIFFERENT than internalizing and then dumping your judgements on others. Whether it is intentional or not.

I respect your right to choose how you parent and what is best for you. Do I agree? Often the answer is probably no. Does that mean we can’t all play nice and still respect each other without flaming or taking sides? For some, it doesn’t and that is terrible.

I think homemade breastmilk soap is cool and when I read something I think is important I’ll often repost it on my blog, Facebook, Twitter or whatever.

To me those things are what is “BEST” for my own family. What is right for me is not necessarily what is right for someone else and that is cool but it doesn’t mean we can’t all learn about and discuss various topics, even the ones we don’t agree on.

Do I believe in and advocate for the things I am passionate about? Hell ya! But I wont be stoning anyone to death for not choosing my way and I’d appreciate the same respect and understanding from others.

That is right I said it! As avid couponers and deal seakers even we are disgusted by the new show that has been airing as of lately.

In general any show that rewards for the negative is a show we avoid. We don’t watch Intervention or Hoarders or Jersey Shore. All those shows just focus on and draw attention to those people we’d rather not be like or even associate ourselves with. Plus we like to make a habit of really controlling the influences we allow into our home and TV is a big offender, even when it comes to adult TV show viewing.

I have to admit, at first I was interested in watching a few episodes of Extreme Couponing just to see if there were any unknown tricks I could learn. Specifically I like to see different couponers and their coupon organization systems but after a few episodes of the show our conclusions have been drawn and I wont be shy about sharing them here.

First, there are a few situations where this kind of extreme behavior is allowable. I do like to hear about those that extreme coupon for the benefit of organizations or needy families. Donating the stuff you score is a noble idea and it can make a difference to many.

The hang up I have is the abundance of coupons and deals for crap food and the quantity in which some of these Extreme Couponing people consume said crap.

I know this is a generalization and slightly rude but so many of these couponers (and even their families) are overweight on this show… presumably because they like to buy (and live off of) cases of Cheez-its, Hamburger Helper, soda and other overly processed and generally junk filled foods.

I cringe watching the amount of candy, soda and other non-perishable crap people buy in abundance and then stockpile. Sure, we are not perfect eaters & shoppers. You will find some of these same processed junk food items in our house but we do not live off them, they are occasional unhealthy splurges and they are not what we live off of. We certainly don’t brag about our stock of them and we wouldn’t dream of encouraging others to stock up on them.

Just because it is free or cheap DOES NOT mean you need to get it and live off it!

I guess I get so hot under the collar about the topic because as a nation we are having a very real food/ health crisis and it all really does go back to the fact that we put cost and convenience over wholesome nutrition when we make our food choices.

I’ve been reading Barbara Kingsolver’s book Animal, Vegetable, Miracle and it also draws correlation between our nation becoming removed from our food and how that has impacted our health and our buying trends.

The good thing about the Extreme Couponing show is the dialogue it allows us to have about our food choices and why we make them. Every time we buy we are making trade-offs whether we realize it or not.

What do you think: Do you think it is crazy to skip something that is free or cheap on the basis of nutritional principal? Is good food just a luxury people with money can afford? Does convenience or nutrition rule your shopping cart, how so?

Ignorance and judgment abound in the world of a breastfeeding mom, I know first hand. These days with the popularity of social media more and more people are sharing their opinions and points of view, in this case a number of people in my network were in an uproar about comments a radio show host, Lisa Rollins of South Carolina, made regarding breastfeeding in public.

If you are curious you can read the transcripts from the show here (I don’t want to link directly to the show because it only drives their traffic and makes them money of this bullshit).

Anyway, about 5 minutes in she starts going off about this poor breastfeeding mom she saw over the weekend. Super offensive stuff. Made my blood just boil and that was last night. Today I am still fuming but calm enough to draft a non-fu-stupid-bitch letter to send her way. Here is what I wrote:

I was listening to your morning show online and was deeply shocked and offended. It wasn’t because you had a differing opinion than me, because that is your right. I was appalled that in trying to express your opinion you were blatantly shaming and embarrassing that breastfeeding mom (and other breastfeeding mom’s) on public radio.

How judgmental and ignorant of you to publicly rant about a woman nursing her baby in public. Don’t you think it is classless and in poor taste to rant about your disgust on the radio where that poor mom probably heard it all? I sure do!

Our perspectives on things are often related to the choices we’ve made. Your point of view on public breastfeeding is definitely because you choose to not breastfeed but how dare you judge others and publicly criticize them on your radio show. In doing this you’ve just shown your ignorance on the topic and your nasty, judgmental, elitist personality.

I was also thinking, if it was such a huge deal to you why didn’t you speak with the woman right then and there or why didn’t you go to restaurant management? Is it because you knew it wouldn’t be acceptable to single her out or is it because you are a coward hiding behind your microphone?

I wonder how you would feel if people publicly criticized you, whispered, stared and made you feel ashamed for bottle feeding your daughter. If you had to hear “what a selfish mom to deny her developing baby the best nourishment available” or “coward” or “how disgusting” each time you were in public tending to the needs of your baby. You might start to understand how it feels if you had.

It is super snobby of you to look down your nose at women who choose to breastfeed in public. It is not realistic to expect a woman to always be nursing in private. Babies eat and are entitled to be able to eat in the same comfort as bottle fed babies, to expect anything different is discrimination and if the tables were turned I am sure you would be just as upset as the pro-breastfeeding moms are right now.

I wonder how many times you bottle fed your daughter in public… Why didn’t you feed her in the hot car or on the toilet like you expect breastfeeding mom’s to do? Don’t you know the use of a bottle or pacifier evokes the same disgusted reaction in pro-breastfeeding folks as does the sight of an nursing baby to those squeamish anti-breastfeeding folks?

How dare you impose your view of “poor taste” on us. I am sure you’ve noticed that many, many other people feel It is in poor taste that you uttered your anti-breastfeeding comments.

The sad thing is you probably never even stopped to think about how your words would impact that nursing mother and other nursing mothers all over the world. Furthermore, how your ignorant comments have impacted the well-being and health of future babies whose mothers won’t even consider breastfeeding because of the public scrutiny and judgments of people like you.

Way to go! Hope you succeeded in achieving your desired reaction with the radio show topic. You’ve made yourself and your company look bad, you’ve made women feel ashamed for doing what their bodies were made for, you’ve pissed off a whole lot of breastfeeding advocates and you’ve taken the best nutrition available from many babies with your ignorant and hurtful comments.

I sent my email off and don’t expect a response of any kind, especially since the radio station isn’t concerned about the overwhelmingly negative response they’ve already received on their facebook page. Wait, I stand corrected. They are removing comments and photos posted by those pro-breastfeeding users… Nice.

Anyway, it just makes me sick how rude, judgmental and self centered some people are. Especially when it comes to the needs of babies and children. I know so much has to do with society’s ignorance about breastfeeding but still, it pisses me off.

Each batch of kids I teach is different and in order to effectively “reach” each of them I try to adapt my approach, so I can best help them. I’ve never taught the same from one year to the next because no two batches of students are exactly the same.

The ultimate goal is to leave the students with some life lessons in addition to teaching them how to do colorguard/ winter guard. Things like:

1. You can do whatever you set your mind to.
2. Discipline and hard work always pay off.
3. Actions speak louder than words.
4. It is better to try and fail than to sit on the sidelines scared.
5. Without risks and hard work you have no chances for huge success.
6. Life is not about the end result it is about the journey.

Of course I also want to teach them about showing up on-time, fulfilling commitments, being a team player, planning ahead, time management, setting goals and so on…

Each kids responds differently to various approaches. Right now we are tackling discipline and focus in rehearsals.

I’ve been toying with the idea of physical punishment (aka push-ups and so on). It is something many marching bands incorporate in to their rehearsals as a means to refocus the kids and to give them incentive to do their best.

For me it is something that I’ve never really been able to fully appreciate. Sure I was forced to run a few laps in marching band when we all were having a really, really bad rehearsal… it only happen like twice the entire 4 years of high school though.

Now that I am teaching in a totally different place (culturally) I am having to revisit the idea of forced discipline & focus as opposed to simply expecting it. Does that make sense at all?

I guess what I mean is I am used to just being expected to act properly or leave as opposed to being expected to behave improperly and then to pay for the misbehavior.

You know on the one side there is no room for acting up but with the punishment there is the expectation of acting up followed by a punishment. It’s a glass half full or half empty sort of thing… with expectation of good behavior as opposed to expectation of bad behavior

What are your thoughts? Do you think there is any benefits to one over the other? How do you think they translate in to life lessons and shape young people?

I have a confession. I am fairly certain twitter is killing my creativity!

I’ve been having issues with blog content since Everly’s birth. Sure I am a busy mom who is working part time in addition to caring for a new baby. Yeah, computer time is limited these days…

The thing is it’s not the time that is my issue. It’s the focus. When I have time I am usually juggling like a million things all at once. Got my gmail up, my hootsuite for twitter, my facebook, my various other emails, my blog… and that is just the computer distractions.

I’ve got oodles of real life distractions too like the TV, phone, Everly’s needs, the vomiting/ pissing pets that run a muck, my own personal needs and the mounting to-do list running in my head.

Honestly though, Twitter is the issue. I mean I’ve already checked it twice since sitting down to write this! It drains my focus and creativity. It’s a distraction!

All sorts of debate is going on these days about the appropriateness and place of social networking in real life situations. Some companies are jumping on the Twitter bandwagon while some employers ban tweeting on the job.

Right now there is a HUGE controversy revolving around Twitter user Shellie Ross (aka Military_Mom) who recently tweeted the loss of her son soon after his death. Some people are attacking her and blaming Twitter for her son’s drowning, others are trying to rally and support her in her grief.

While I don’t think announcing the death of a child or asking for prayers in time of crisis is out of line I do think tweeting can go way overboard and we all need to really take a look at how it’s shaping our lives.

I won’t let tweeting (or blogging, texting, email etc.) take precedence over caring for my family or myself. That said, I did tweet portions of my daughters birth. I am sure some would find that outraging but it worked for me.

It’s a fine line you see and it’s each adults responsibility to determine what works and what doesn’t.

Who are we to criticize and determine what is or isn’t appropriate for others? Our energies are better spent determining how we will do things for ourselves and our families.

For me, having twitter up and running while I work on certain things is totally a distraction for me, I’ve learned this. When I sit down to blog or pay bills or whatever I wont be on twitter. I now know that I need to get better at managing my twitter time while on the computer.

My point is that twitter is addicing and it CAN be a hindrance in real life if we let it. Rather than judging I was able to hear the story of Shellie Ross (@Military_Mom) and take something positive from it. I wish others would do the same.

It seems like every time I turn around there is another battle to be fought. Why is it that nothing is straightforward and easy anymore?

I just had a baby, right? When we found out we were pregnant we got legally married even though we were in the process of planning our actual wedding. We did it for insurance purposes because we felt it was the responsible thing to do, as opposed to going to the state for maternity benefits.

Sure the government would have paid for my health care as an unwed pregnant lady but that wasn’t in our eyes the responsible or honest thing to do. N was making good money (and supporting me), it’s his child and all we needed was a marriage certificate to get me insured, we were gonna be married anyway… So we were married at the courthouse on Halloween last year. Our unofficial marriage anniversary is coming.

I still hope to have a real wedding someday and I have my wedding gown that’s never been worn… I am a bit sad that we were married without the wedding part, that is another post topic though!

Anyway, we got married and N added me to his insurance so prenatal care and childbirth would be covered…

Now that Everly is here and the labor/ delivery are behind us we’ve begun tackling the insurance aspect of it and I am just livid right now!

We knew the homebirth cost would be paid out of pocket and that we would have to submit for reimbursement later, we didn’t know that for every single claim submitted would be denied or ripped apart piece by piece. The insurance company is throwing loop-hole after loop-hole at us as reasons they wont need to cover our claims.

First there is the $2000 bill for my perineum repair.

I had about 100+ stitches following the birth of Everly and required a hospital transport since there were deep muscle tears and the midwives had never repaired something that severe.

Insurance wont cover the $400 that the hospital billed as co-pay for the visit and they aren’t applying it to my out of pocket maximum amount.

Add the $400 co-pay to the $3500 I paid the midwife for the homebirth and I’ve paid $3900 out of pocket, my maximum is supposedly $2500 though.

Then there is the $100 cord blood test.

We had the test to determine Everly’s blood type and wheather or not RhoGam was necessary. The hospital billed this test as not medically necessary even though OBGYNs consider RhoGam VERY necessary in Rh negitive mothers.

Insurance is fighting us on covering this too.

The cherry on the shit-cake is that the bill for the homebirth was submitted to insurance back in June and when we’ve inquired about the status of it we were told it’s not in their system, so it needs to be resubmitted now.

We’ve been fighting with credit card companies over billing issues, product makers over faulty items, the water company, the bank and now the insurance company. It is just exhausting! I don’t wanna be a grownup anymore.

I am curious, do you know the exactly how much money you are paying in interest and bank fees each month?

I ask because recently I’ve been particularly worried about this one credit card account I have. It was literally the first card I got when I decided to try reestablishing myself credit wise.

This means I had to pay an annual fee for the card and a pretty high interest rate. It was something I felt was necessary though since nobody would extend credit to me otherwise.

Well just the other day I got a notice from that credit card company about how the account terms are being changed. The annual fee is going up and so is the interest rate, big time. It’s been five years since I accepted that car and I actually forgot just how much I was paying them to extend credit to me!

Since accepting that credit card offer I’ve improved my credit tons and I now have several lower APR/ no annual fee cards that are a much better deal. I quickly decided that this first credit card is something I don’t need to be paying for any longer and am closing it.

Well, this all got me thinking about how much N and I are unknowingly throwing away on bank fees and interest charges each month. I was scared to sit down and figure out the exact dollar amount but I also knew that if I didn’t we wouldn’t truly see how much we can cut back and even save if we make some small changes.

Let me tell you adding it all up and listing it all really does put it in perspective folks! It also really helped me to see which accounts we wanted to focus on paying down first. Throwing less money away is always a good thing right? You gotta take those blinders off first though.

Plus, once it is all listed you can go through it and see how the interest rates and owed balances are looking. Available balances and interest rates are two very different things, just because you have the money available to spend doesn’t mean you should.

Listing your monthly interest and fees paid will also help you see if you are using high interest rate cards too often or if you have too much charged to them. It will help you determine if you should be paying more towards one card as opposed to another. It will also help you to see if certain cards are just charging you too much in comparison to all your other accounts. Ignorance is bliss… but it is bliss you probably can’t afford right now!

Are you convinced yet? If so you can use this free spreadsheet right now to plug in your own information. It will figure totals for you over a 6 month period, then you can print it out and keep it as a reference if you want.

I am also curious to see how much individuals are paying each month and how all my readers average so I made an anonymous survey I hope you’ll take.

It is just asking for your January 2009 numbers, no personal information. It’s all recorded on a spreadsheet and then I’ll share the anonymous values with you all in another post so you can see how you compare to other readers.

In these times of economic hardship everyone is looking for ways to cut back and to save money. Watching your monthly budget and spending trends is a simple and obvious way to find areas that you can cut back. How much interest and fees banks charge you is a big one many people overlook!

You’ve heard about S.A.D right? It is a type of “winter mood disorder”…

I’ve seen commercials about S.A.D and the prescription pills that “I should ask my doctor about if I am experiencing similar symptoms”. I have always rolled my eyes about the idea of the winter season making people depressed enough to need a special prescription.

Well, N and I were chatting about how strangely productive we’re feeling as a result of the oddly warm and nice weather we are having and have been having all weekend. We might be coming out of our own winter depression or something! (by the way that is why I didn’t post all weekend, we were busy doing stuff outside…)

We got all our storm debris cut up and ready to be hauled away and we finished the 100% homemade rabbit hutch for Boner! We went grocery shopping, made yummy meals together for dinner, cleaned stuff, looked at rental home possibilities, toyed with the idea of trying to get approved for a mortgage, tried to have the brakes replaced and were outside in the fresh air. It was so nice.

I am super proud of N’s rabbit hutch project (I hope he’ll blog about it and share the plans). We are just waiting for the sealant to dry then it is ready for Boner to move in! Look how it turned out:

Oh, and we stopped in our local Circuit City just for fun to see what deals were to be had (N still wants a 42in flat screen LCD tv…). Have you been to their going out of business sale? We were just amazed at how many people were still looking for and actually buying those high ticket electronic items.

Actually all this weekend we saw people everywhere buying all this high priced non necessity stuff like big screen TV’s and other electronics despite the claimed economic hard times so many are experiencing. N and I just scratch our heads when we see it. We DIDN’T buy a tv by the way…

I mean these aren’t wealthy people, they appear to be mid to lower class and they are just lining up for a $2000 big screen tv or a new video game system. Um, hello! Save your money and think ahead about your economic future guys!

Oh and don’t even get me started on Nadya Suleman, the now mother of 14 who just had octuplets…

HIV is still a pretty taboo topic in some circles and I know there are still people out there with skewed views on the disease, how it is contracted and who gets it. Everyday people have contracted HIV, they aren’t all sex addicts, dirty needle users or whatever. Still many people look down on those who are infected.

The ignorance of some is unfortunate but sadly it does not surprise me. However, I was surprised to hear that a woman was forcibly sterilized in Chile because she was HIV positive (according to a press release I just received). I also found similar information already published online.

First off, forcible sterilization? Did you know that is happening? It brings to mind the cases of genetic mutilation that I’ve heard of in many countries. Both ideas are inhumane and just sickening to me. Besides how can a that sort of thing be acceptable?

Secondly, HIV positive sterilization? That is just ignorance based policy if you ask me. An HIV positive mother does not automatically mean an HIV positive child will be born. How can people not know that?

Further more how can large groups of people (and even governments) feel that it is best to strip the infected ones of their choice altogether? Preventing HIV infected people from procreating isn’t going to rid the population of HIV you know… Those people are still going to be having sex and could still infect others, regardless of wheather or not they produce offspring.

Wouldn’t it be better to insure those who are infected are aware of the infection and provided with the best medical treatment and knowledge about the disease? Knowledge and medical treatment are the best ways to prevent further spread of the diesease right?

If you were diagnosed as HIV positive would you become pregnant after learning of the diagnosis, why or why not? Additionally, would you want your reproductive rights preserved or would you be okay with forcible sterilization for those infected?

It is something most of us will never have to worry about but it is an interesting thing to ponder.

Did you know that today, January 22nd 2009, is the 36th anniversary of Roe v. Wade? I am sure you already know that I am pro-choice big time, since I blogged for choice last year and all.

I don’t think I’ll ever have an abortion but that doesn’t mean I’ll let anyone take my right away. Besides I am just not of the belief that government needs to be ruling on what we are and are not allowed to do with our bodies.

Each of us should be free to decide what is best for us and our current situation. It is all a freedom thing you know. With freedom comes the need for informed decision. Just because someone chooses something that you feel is wrong doesn’t mean we should take the right to choose away.

I don’t like women who use abortion as a means for birth control, I personally do not agree with it and it makes me sick. Those people need to be taught better morals and better self control not refused the right to have an abortion. I am not going to rant on and on about this though. I know where President Barack Obama stands on choice and abortion. If you need a refresher here is a video:

Today’s Blog for Choice question is: What is your top pro-choice hope for President Obama and/or the new Congress ?

I hope that our administration can get away from using the law to force us in to doing what one group views as not being for our own good. Now that is wishing huh? I also hope we can reform the health care/ insurance industries so that they are all inclusive and are a benifit to everyone not just a manipulation and money making device.

Seriously a woman’s right to choose goes beyond abortion and the pill. Women should have access to and insurance coverage for ANY type of family planning/ birth control method she chooses. I don’t just mean birth control either. Insurance should cover birth control but it should also cover all types of family planning and birth control methods including FAM (fertility awareness method) and NFP (natural family planning).

To me a woman’s right to choose also encompasses birthing rights, how can states outlaw midwives and force women to birth in hospitals? That just goes back to how the health care/ insurance industries have an unfair monopoly and are acting unethically but that is a rant for another day.

So there you have it those are my pro-choice wishes for the new administration. What are yours?