Remember when…
Remember when I outlined all N’s job uncertainty in this post back on May 2008? Back then we still had no idea where his job search would take us and we were pretty worried that we would end up stuck with the status quo if no better offers came along.
We were barely making end meet, were financially frustrated, itching to start a family, had no chance of buying a home and were ready for a little more job security. Too bad my lady doctor said I was not fertile because of my low weight and N’s job told him they really valued him but could not increase his salary from here on out. That was 5 months ago…
Can you believe how much has happen in 5 months? Holly crap! N got the job in Evansville, IN so we started planing our cross country move. We got engaged 7 days before we were scheduled to move. We made the week long cross country move with minimal drama. We were in our new home for 3 weeks, were planning our wedding for July 2009 then we found out we conceived our first child! I just did the bills and we actually have several hundred dollars left over after everything was paid oh and houses are damn cheap here!
That really is a ton of stuff that fell in to place all at once for us. I guess it makes up for the 3 years we spend in limbo land huh? I almost can’t believe all has worked out for us in such a freaking short amount of time.
Now I just need to master taking photos of water already (I didn’t forget Wordless Wednesday, just a bit late) Lotus says anyone can do it and my camera has a freaking macro setting but my water photos suck big time. I guess you can’t have it all huh? Here are my crappy attempts and a funny video!
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Thoughts on struggle and peaceful garden photos
To me the hardest thing is to watch a loved one go through trying times and to not be able to help them. My brother is dealing with some heavy stuff right now. He had a child with a girlfriend and they have just come to terms with the idea that they can’t be together as a couple. His daughter and now ex-girlfriend just left his house to be on their own. He is not on his daughters birth certificate because his pregnant girlfriend was a minor when she gave birth.
Ugh, it is a whole slew of drama that I don’t want to bore you with. Basically sitting by and watching him make his choices and watching him struggle is killing me. As outsiders to the situation we can see what his next step should be and we have given him advice but he sees things differently than we do, he is doing what he feels is best. He is scared and overwhelmed, all we can do is support him and hope it all works out.
This quote reminded me of him:
We want facts to fit the preconceptions. When they don’t it is easier to ignore the facts than to change the preconceptions. - Jessamyn West
He believes that he has no chance of gaining parental rights to his daughter despite the fact that he IS the stable parent. He believes that mothers have more rights than fathers regardless of the situation, we cannot seem to convince him otherwise.
Okay, enough of the family drama and stress talk. Lets spend some time in my garden!
Here is a wildflower growing in my yard that I like and managed to transplant into some pots. maiden53, this is the flower you were asking me about that I’ll have at the yard sale.
I have no idea what this flower is called but it is pretty and I like it! got any ideas what it is?
My lilies are in bloom! I believe these are tiger lilies, they don’t have a fragrance like my white stargazer lilies but they are so pretty!
Got any fun garden photos of plants growing in your neck of the woods?
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Remembering a great leader: Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Linky love! A list of blogs I frequent.
On fear and it’s impact on life.
I spend my days trying to teach kids that those fears we harbor inside ourselves can actually keep us from achieving, doing or becoming what we want most. They inhibit success and can trap us. Nothing is worse than not knowing what could have been, that is why you just need to reach for your dreams and get over being afraid to fail.
I am not sure exactly what shaped my thoughts on fear. I know when my mom felt trapped in marriages I picked up on it but I think there must have been something more that made me so set on moving beyond fear.
Fear is supposed to help protect us from injury right? Walking down a dark alley makes you fearful because it is a bad situation and you could be harmed in the situation. Fear helps us avoid potentially dangerous situations, it also prevents us from doing stuff that could potentially improve our lives.
Fear is a red flag meant to get you thinking. It isn’t necessarily something to wholeheartedly base decisions upon. It is important to weight the pros and cons and try to see the positive outcome before simply avoiding the fear.
So, at what point does fear simply become a crutch? I notice my fears when I am exposed to something new or unfamiliar, it seems to sneak up when it shouldn’t and that is just damn annoying.
When I ask my students to try something new they are immediately afraid to try, they might fail. They practically freeze at the thought of doing something they have never tried before. What is so scary about possibly failing something you try? Isn’t the trying simply an accomplishment in it’s self?
In 2 months I am picking up and moving 1500 miles away from my family and friends for N’s job. N and I are not married or engaged so I have no legal financial security, just trust and commitment. I do not have a job lined up out there, just possibilities and options. I have no idea what is in store for us out there but we are going anyway, despite the initial fears. We want a better life for ourselves and we feel this move will bring it. We have done some research but actually all we have is the job offer and the belief that this will be best for us. Are we crazy for just picking up and going? Some people sure think so but we don’t.
The fears are there but we both know that they are simply a natural response to change and uncertainty so we don’t even worry about them. Plus there are just as many positive signs as there are fears so we listen to our gut feeling and we know that this is the right move for us. Plus we have made it through our first smaller scale move away and we did fine, how much worse could it be? We are not worrying ourselves with the fears.
Fear tries to keep us in familiar territory, it allows us to stop looking for better, it can make us bitter. If you really want something more, something better remember that fear is only one aspect to be weighed. Look at all the other sides, what could be gained if you succeed? Is not succeeding in the way you planned really failing at all? Will you wonder and regret if you don’t try? What do you have to loose and what could you gain?
Fear is not the only thing you should base your decisions upon, it is only an aspect to be considered. Sometimes to find better you need trust and courage to keep walking and searching, even when you don’t know where you are going.
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"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
What can you do about an emotionally draining person?
Do you notice feeling drained, trampled or just worn out after an encounter with an acquaintance or loved one? Maybe this person only wants to have interactions with you when they need support or maybe they tend to unload on you all the time.
How do you distinguish between someone going through a “rough patch” in life and someone who is just an emotional drain on you all the time?
I know someone who never asks how we are doing and insists on dominating the conversations and dwelling on all the “woe is me” crap. When the conversation shifts from all the pity me stuff it becomes very superficial. It feels like this person doesn’t care to know who we truly are, is not even thinking about how we are feeling and only maintains the relationship so they can have someone to dump stuff on.
We have stopped participating in the whiny conversations and have stopped pitying them and feeling bad for them. We are no longer enabling them but they just keep dumping the crap on us.
I have a hard time with people who take more than they give in a relationship. It is not healthy or fair and it really puts a strain on the relationship. So what can you do?
We often get criticized for pointing out the positive stuff about the situation when this person whines on about all the negative. When we express displeasure over the drama, sad stories or rude comments we are made to feel stupid for feeling or thinking that way. It is clear our views and opinions are not welcome or accepted yet we are expected to remain in the encounter and act as they want us to.
Naturally we have begun to distance ourselves from the undesirable encounters because it is obvious that we are not even close to getting anything positive from it. A relationship is supposed to be give and take, not just give, give, give… So what can you do other than just stop communicating with them?
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Persistence often pays off..
This is a lesson that is very apparent in my file right now. I try to teach my students that perseverance and persistence will lead you to great things. Often times we fell the urge to give up right before we are about to experience success. Those who succeed are often those who kept trying after all the others had quit.
This idea is also proving to be true with the ole job search N has embarked upon. Yesterday after putting his resume tape online and applying to all the places he could he got a bite! Tri-Cities, Washington has scheduled a phone interview for Saturday with him. Yay.
So, if you feel like your efforts are pointless and that you should just throw in the towel and give up remember that the ones who persevere and outlast the rest are the ones who succeed! So, do you really want to give up?
