Browsing the archives for the change your life by changing your perspective category.

Happy Thanksgiving Guys!! We are thankful too (despite the miscarrage)

Thanksgiving has seriously come from nowhere it seems. Rather, we’ve just been so caught up in the here and now that it has surprised us. Also, I’ve been sick, thanks to my germy emergency room visit last week. Just a throat and head cold sort of thing, nothing too major. The miscarriage symptoms are almost gone and we are doing well.

Actually, we were even doing okay the night of the ER visit. Once my bleeding started last week I kind of knew what it meant, though I wanted to be hopeful and positive.

Pregnancy loss is something many women don’t talk about and some even refuse to announce pregnancy until the 2nd trimester… Those women were also the ones commenting on my “bravery” for announcing the pregnancy two weeks ago. I am not brave nor am I afraid to talk about the loss.

Yes, we are sad that the pregnancy and baby were lost but we also accept it and are even grateful it played out the way it did. Maybe it is because we were so early in the pregnancy that we hadn’t really become attached to the idea of having another child yet. It could also be our trust in destiny and the abilities of our bodies.

Either way we are doing okay and are moving forward still. This last week has just flown by and with a cold it becomes even more blurred. Thanksgiving just kind of came and went in the blink of an eye.

Everly did get to enjoy her first Thanksgiving feast tonight. She enjoyed the sweet potato mash and the green bean casserole the best it seems. Last year she only got to sample the tastes of Thanksgiving through my breastmilk since she wasn’t eating solids at that time.

We are super excited to have a little girl to share the holidays with. I mean last year she started trying to open presents but she really didn’t grasp the excitement of the season at all. This year the excitement will be something she will begin to partake in and we can’t wait.

We watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade on TV this morning and told her about Santa. Other highlights were Elmo, Spongebob and Dora, of course. Being parents during the holidays is a trip, it is like we get to see and feel it all through her eyes. When she lights up we all light up and everything else just disappears.

An example: Tonight after dinner we were all hanging around in the kitchen. Everly grabbed the mommy and daddy Little People from her doll house and brought them to the table where she played with them. At one point she placed the mom and dad side by side.

“Mama, dada….. Muah” she says.

*cue the melting hearts* This is the first time she’s ever had her dolls kissing (that we know of) and it was so sweet. I told N “I guess she sees that we like each other huh?” Then we took turns kissing the dolls, each other and praising her.

We have so much to be thankful for, despite hard times and losses. Life is good, you just have to focus on the right things.

Tapping the skills…

I’ve been a busy bee! It seems my “working time” has come because all these odd opportunities are coming my way.

I’ve been working with a gal I know that runs an eco-friendly cleaning company. Awhile back I attended a “make your own green cleaners” class she taught and we began chatting about her company. It started out with me helping her on short staffed days because we share eco-friendly philosophies.

I must say the work is a nice mind clearing time for me too, plus it is a way to earn some extra money for the family. Now I’ve got some regular houses to clean for her so I’ve been doing that.

I am also doing some website work, you know site/ blog building and stuff like before. Several local business owners here are having me set them up blogs and sites for their companies.

Both are welcome and unexpected opportunities.

The job hunt is continuing for N. There have been several interviews, submitted applications and classified ad’s scoured but things are still up in the air. The search is ongoing and time is a ticking but we are trusting that things will work out as they are meant to be.

In a situation like ours there are two ways you can live your life. You can search hard, stress and become consumed by anger, panic and fear or you can search hard, trust and enjoy one day at a time.

I’ve always tried to see things with regards to the journey taken and not so much with an emphasis on the end result because at the end, you could have everything you ever dreamed but without enjoying the journey it is nothing…

Can’t take it with you right?

So while I’ve been working hard on all my various opportunities and while N is busting his butt searching for new prospects we aren’t forgetting to stop and enjoy miss Every and all that is our life at this moment. We do have some lapses in perspective occasionally though.

I mean it totally DOES sucks that we moved all the way out here to further N’s career and now that has all gone down the drain. It blows that we are taking steps back in his career and whatnot but then I remember that without the move we probably wouldn’t have our own house and most importantly we probably wouldn’t have Everly.

Remembering that pretty much straightens out our perspective.

Is it a trail of shit or sunshine? A crumb trail following wherever we go…

I read a blog the other day that discussed how all our experiences and encounters either leave us drained or energized. It was a reflection piece on how the blogger’s energy and frame of mind in turn impacts and influences other people’s own energy and frame of mind.

Obviously our energy around her is a cesspool these days and we’ve been working real hard to turn things around. Nobody enjoys being miserable right? So why choose to remain in a negative frame of mind? That is the question the blogger’s article posed.

I’ve been thinking lots about how drained or energized other’s have left me lately. The more I think about it the more drained I become because, honestaly, there are too many leaches these days.

Not only do we have the life stuff to work through right now but then we have all the other factors as well, specifically the miserable or drama driven people.

Remember that post I wrote about ethics and social media? I’ve still got petty blog & social media trolls challenging my OPINION that I shared. Isn’t it my right to share my own opinions, especially on my own blog? Who ever said my opinion had to be the same as yours and that if it is not you have the right to taunt or harass me until I change my opinion? What is so hard about agreeing to disagree?

Also, people on facebook are pissing me off. When people go on there whining and airing drama that isn’t our business it is annoying. What is even worse is when they later have the nerve to bitch about how others are getting involved in the situation on facebook, when they themselves opened the facebook can of worms to begin with.

Because I don’t want to make this blog post 100% draining for you I’ll stop my bitch fest about the selfish and draining shit going on around us.

Instead I want to encourage you to take a look at your everyday encounters. Are they leaving you feeling really good or really tired?

We can’t change how others act towards us but we can change how we choose to act. Are you leaving a draining feeling when you go or have you found ways to energize and boost those around you?

Did I mention that Everly is now running around the house? She carries this snack cup with her usually. It is filled with cheerios… She leaves a trail of them where ever she goes now. We all leave our own trail of positivity or negativity wherever we go just like her cheerios. It’s something we often forget when going about our daily activities.

Be honest, do you leave a trail of shit or sunshine? We are all guilty of leaving some shit now and then… What is important is that we focus our intentions on leaving positivity. Then we will begin to be able to turn our own perspective and experiences around.

In the spirit of focusing on the positive, I’d love to hear some stories of how people have left you (or how you have left them) feeling energized. Please share them below in the comments section.

Life unfolds in unexpected ways

When I came home from last weeks Social Media Club of Evansville meeting I wasn’t in high spirits. I understood Blog Indiana was involved and I’ve been eager to venture in to the world of blog conferences for a few years. I ended up showing up late to the meeting, wasn’t happy about this.

After finding a seat in the back, away from everyone else (as to not totally disrupt the talk already under way) I learned the subject of the meeting was more of a intro to social media thing. Obviously I was already introduced to social media as I heard about the meeting via twitter… Anyway, the talk was still good to hear and I got to get a feel for the other social media attendees based on the question and answer that was going on during the presentation.

I was glad to meet locals and to have the opportunity to network. I was also eager to get the feelers out there for my new site that I am developing.

Unfortunately, I didn’t find much good response about my ChirpCal venture. It was more like I wasn’t articulating my ideas in ways that others could grasp. It makes good sense in my head and in explaining it to N it seems great but it is hard to fully explain it in a nutshell to new people I meet.

Like I said, I wasn’t in high spirits after the meeting despite my meeting so many friendly and helpful people. N and I talked about it, I had some wine and went to bed.

The next morning I was surprised to find all these new followers on facebook and twitter, they were the people I had met the night before. They had given me their business cards but I didn’t have any to pass out in return. I fully expected everyone to forget all about meeting me, especially without business cards.

It was nice to find that simply attending a group meeting landed me many new followers and fans. Not only does this broaden my social reach on the internet but it also provides a great chance to make local friendships.

Friendships that proved to be helpful yesterday when I was curious about a spider lurking outside my home. I tweeted this photo and called for any ideas about what kind of spider it was.

Mary Biever, a new twitter friend and a local social media junkie, polled her facebook friends. About 30 min later we had the spider identified. It is an orb spider. Curiosity cured!

Sometimes we might think our efforts were wasted if the expected result is not received. However, life unfolds in unexpected ways and until you get yourself out there you’ll never know what awaits you.

On fear and it’s impact on life.

I spend my days trying to teach kids that those fears we harbor inside ourselves can actually keep us from achieving, doing or becoming what we want most. They inhibit success and can trap us. Nothing is worse than not knowing what could have been, that is why you just need to reach for your dreams and get over being afraid to fail.

I am not sure exactly what shaped my thoughts on fear. I know when my mom felt trapped in marriages I picked up on it but I think there must have been something more that made me so set on moving beyond fear.

Fear is supposed to help protect us from injury right? Walking down a dark alley makes you fearful because it is a bad situation and you could be harmed in the situation. Fear helps us avoid potentially dangerous situations, it also prevents us from doing stuff that could potentially improve our lives.

Fear is a red flag meant to get you thinking. It isn’t necessarily something to wholeheartedly base decisions upon. It is important to weight the pros and cons and try to see the positive outcome before simply avoiding the fear.

So, at what point does fear simply become a crutch? I notice my fears when I am exposed to something new or unfamiliar, it seems to sneak up when it shouldn’t and that is just damn annoying.

When I ask my students to try something new they are immediately afraid to try, they might fail. They practically freeze at the thought of doing something they have never tried before. What is so scary about possibly failing something you try? Isn’t the trying simply an accomplishment in it’s self?

In 2 months I am picking up and moving 1500 miles away from my family and friends for N’s job. N and I are not married or engaged so I have no legal financial security, just trust and commitment. I do not have a job lined up out there, just possibilities and options. I have no idea what is in store for us out there but we are going anyway, despite the initial fears. We want a better life for ourselves and we feel this move will bring it. We have done some research but actually all we have is the job offer and the belief that this will be best for us. Are we crazy for just picking up and going? Some people sure think so but we don’t.

The fears are there but we both know that they are simply a natural response to change and uncertainty so we don’t even worry about them. Plus there are just as many positive signs as there are fears so we listen to our gut feeling and we know that this is the right move for us. Plus we have made it through our first smaller scale move away and we did fine, how much worse could it be? We are not worrying ourselves with the fears.

Fear tries to keep us in familiar territory, it allows us to stop looking for better, it can make us bitter. If you really want something more, something better remember that fear is only one aspect to be weighed. Look at all the other sides, what could be gained if you succeed? Is not succeeding in the way you planned really failing at all? Will you wonder and regret if you don’t try? What do you have to loose and what could you gain?

Fear is not the only thing you should base your decisions upon, it is only an aspect to be considered. Sometimes to find better you need trust and courage to keep walking and searching, even when you don’t know where you are going.

Reflections on past present and future.

Do you reflect on your life journey? Do you see how one thing leads you to another, does it help you to face the future and the present?

Looking back and reflecting upon the journey is something I tend to do. It gives me perspective on the current events when I look back to see how we got here. I always try to see the positive side of things when I reflect and I seldom have regrets about things. I tend to look back and reflect after the accomplishments in life, it comforts me and gives me the strength to face what is in the future.

N got the official “we want to fly you out here for an interview” communication yesterday after applying to a number of different places. He has built his on air career from nothing and it has only taken him 6 years. Now he has paid his dues and we both feel he is ready and deserves to move on to a better paying more rewarding job. Financial security is important to us and we are also looking to end up somewhere for an extended amount of time so we can buy a home and start a family. Moving on from his current job and leaving family/ friends behind is just part of moving forward in life and his career.

Life has given us plenty of time to come to terms with this and to prepare for the future. Back in February 2006 I wrote a post called Destiny and the Journey of Life- everything happens for a reason that outlined N’s job saga and the 2005 announcement that the station was up for sale. Our world was shattered by the news and we began coming to terms with the fact that we would not be living in our town long term.

Then the news station didn’t sell and began looking less and less likely to. N’s contract was ending and new contract negotiations began, we knew that if we didn’t like the presented offer we would have to find another job offer somewhere else that was better. Again we were faced with the possibility of having to pick up and move elsewhere for a better job.

Come August 2006 more contract negotiations are in the works and eventually N is offered a promotion at his job that is good for the ole resume and for the pocket book. It includes management responsibilities that he is optimistic about and he decides to take the offer, that locks us in for a bit longer here.

In March 2008 we went through more crappy contract negotiations and this time the offer just did not seem worthwhile for the long run so N shows them who is boss and rejects the crappy contract offer, says he will get through the remainder of his current crappy contract and then will move on.

Basically we have been in limo land with N’s job since 2005 and have known that leaving Arizona and pursuing better opportunities was the direction we were headed. We have been presented with a number of chances to stay put and avoid change and until now they were all somewhat worthwhile at the time. I know they were necessary to get us to where we are today but I also know that it is time for change now.

It has been a worthwhile 3 year journey that has taught us much about what we are capable of. We now know what we want and what we don’t. Most importantly, we have finally decided that we are capable of getting it.

I think that the biggest thing that holds people back is their own doubts and insecurities. If you don’t believe in your self 100% how can you possibly convince others to believe in you? Up until recently we have been doubting ourselves and feeling insecure, I know that has kept us from experiencing the success we desire.

Do you think you have been doubtful or insecure about change in your life? Has it impacted your success or lack thereof when you reflect upon it?

I know that staying positive and hopeful about our abilities is an ongoing battle for everyone. Especially for us through this recent bout of job searching but remaining hopeful and confident is essential to your success!

Reflections are important because they help us to see how we were in the past so that we can improve for the future.

If you are experiencing times of change or uncertainty take a moment to reflect on the past in a positive light, see how it got you to where you are today. Praise yourself for how far you have come and how much you have grown, then figure out what you can do different this time to achieve even better results!

The job search begins!

The resume tape is just a bout done, there are about 4 months left on his contract and the job search is under way!

Job searching can be a tedious and stressful time for anyone. You sift through the possibilities, talk yourself out of the ones you feel are unachievable and then you pursue the ones you feel best suited for. Eventually you end up with another less than fulfilling job somewhere else but is it the job for you?

The worst thing you can do is sell yourself short when job searching. This is something N and I learned first hand a few years back. It’s natural to not want to feel rejected so your tendency is to not be willing to put yourself out there when you aren’t sure you will succeed. That is the worst thing you can do for your job search though!

Learning to entertain all the possibilities and to put yourself out there is very important, it allows you to be noticed by as a many people as possible which in turn leads to more possible options for you to choose from! More options is aways a good thing right?

So, N announced to me this morning that he had submitted like 10 applications to other stations around the country today. He joked that “everyone can have a copy of my resume!”, we are trying to put him out there and to entertain reasonable job offers now so that we have somewhere to go when his current contract is up this summer.

I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason and that if you put yourself out there on the line you are allowing for the right opportunity to find you. Often times the hardest thing is to just convince yourself that you are something worth “selling” and that you should put yourself out there.

If you are a job searching right now say goodbye to limits! Determine the direction you intend on going with your job and let every possible employer know that you are on the search. Let the employers determine if you are good enough or not and keep yourself open to as many possibilities as you can!

In times of change or transition we need to surrender control and open ourselves to the endless possibilities ahead, often times the direction we see ourselves going is not the best thing for us and something else will come about instead that is better in the long run.

We all end up where we are meant to be, everything happens for a reason!

We all end up where we are meant to be eventually.

I just read a great blog post about U-turns and life. The author articulately compared life is with getting lost while driving. Oh, Dang! I just closed the tab for the blog I was wanting to link to. The blogger just left me a comment so now I have the url again, yay! Follow the link and read the post for yourself!

Eventually we all end up where we are meant to be, the route and surroundings may not be preferable at the time but it gets us to where we are supposed to be sooner or later.

This is perfectly obvious in my life right now. Today marks the day when my partner reached a goal that he set out for over 5 years ago. Today marks his first day in a job he wanted 5 years ago and was told he would never get. They said he didn;t have what it took and that he could not cut it.

Today was his first day on that job. Actually they offered the job to him last month for an insultingly low amount of money and some other unfavorable responsibilities. We moved away from our family 5 years ago to persue this dream and to make it happen. He has paid his dues and when they finally decide to offer him the job it’s too late! He declined the job offer because we knew he could get something better and more favorable once his current contract was up.

Like a bratty 5 year old on the playgroud his employer came back with a “Fine! you don’t want our offer, well we are going to force you to do the job anyway.” So, today he began that job he set out for 5 years ago, goal achieved!

He built himself up from nothing in this career and now has loads of experience and a bright future ahead of him. Five years ago we would have never guessed that this is how we would get to this point but we are here! It’s not necessarily the route we had expected to travel but I think we needed to experience it in order to grow and become more prepared.

Another year older, oh how time flies…

My birthday is 10 days away. I’ll be 26 N tells me, already I have lost track of how old I am… I could figure it out by doing some math but I don’t really focus on how many years I have been on this earth.

My age doesn’t really coincide with all I have been through, I have much life experience- more than most who are 26. I am more defined by my journey than my age.

My journey over the last year has been a great learning experience for me. I am learning much about “letting go” and opening myself to the possibilities of new experiences. I think I am actually ready for whatever life throws our way, even if it means we will have to move away from our home state, families and the life we have built for ourselves. This has taken me several years to come to terms with and I think I finally have accepted this and am ready for it.

Sometimes you learn all you can in one place and you have to move on to be able to learn and grow more. I am now trusting that life has a plan for us and that we will be taken where we are meant to go. I have no idea what is in store for us but I am ready to be open to whatever it might be. It is kind of exciting actually!

Also, this last year I have been working to heal old wounds and to forgive those who have hurt me so deeply. I remember those deep, nasty encounters and have a hard time forgiving those who were so spiteful to me for no reason. I am still working on this one but feel like I have grown to be more accepting of others. I still wont tolerate people who dump their crap on me but I am growing more accepting of their weaknesses and am now able to feel less hurt by the blows, it’s nothing personal really- they just don’t have the tools to deal with their own issues the way I would.

Um, lets see what else have I learned? Oh, I have learned to be a more positive person. The increase in my positivity (is that a word?) has been the result of me removing myself from negative situations and trying to make those situations I choose to remain in positive ones. I am now able to see the positive in almost anything and I focus most of my energy on it. I feel happier and more satisfied.

The last thing I want to mention is my beginning to learn that in life you cannot be consumed by the expectations of what you life is supposed to be. I struggle with this still but am getting much better as time goes by.

Many people think that they must achieve certain things in a certain order and that is the way it should be. For some this shoe fits, for others it does not and you feel like something is wrong with you.

Life has a plan for each of us and it’s not always what we expect for ourselves. Perhaps the hardest lesson of the year has been to learn to love myself unconditionally and to accept that my journey is different than I expected it to be and that different is okay.

So those are the life lessons that I have come to see this year, some I have mastered- others I have not. Happy birthday to me, now I need to learn more next year!!

Happiness is…

Everywhere you turn someone is talking about how to achieve what you want or how to be happy. Books like The Secret and Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships all talk about how those things you choose to surround yourself with can have a major impact on your happiness and success and they are right.

Do you feel like you are happy with your life? How is your mood and outlook on a day to day basis? Do you think you have room to improve?

The people you surround yourself with can have a major impact on your mood and you also impact their mood whether you believe it or not. Have you ever found yourself feeling drained, stressed or down after talking with someone who was not in the best mood? Maybe you have experienced the exact opposite, ever found that the grocery store cashier’s bubbly mood has left you feeling happy or satisfied? The people you spend time with can have great power over your mood if you let them.

Your perception also has a great impact on your happiness, so much of life is how you perceive it. Are you a “glass half full or half empty” person? Can you find the good in situations, even the tough ones? If you can look for and find the good in things in life you will be surrounding yourself with positive rather than negative and this will in turn influence your happiness.

Shifting your perceptions, learning to look for the positive and limiting your unhealthy encounters can have a huge effect on your lasting happiness!