Thoughts on struggle and peaceful garden photos
To me the hardest thing is to watch a loved one go through trying times and to not be able to help them. My brother is dealing with some heavy stuff right now. He had a child with a girlfriend and they have just come to terms with the idea that they can’t be together as a couple. His daughter and now ex-girlfriend just left his house to be on their own. He is not on his daughters birth certificate because his pregnant girlfriend was a minor when she gave birth.
Ugh, it is a whole slew of drama that I don’t want to bore you with. Basically sitting by and watching him make his choices and watching him struggle is killing me. As outsiders to the situation we can see what his next step should be and we have given him advice but he sees things differently than we do, he is doing what he feels is best. He is scared and overwhelmed, all we can do is support him and hope it all works out.
This quote reminded me of him:
We want facts to fit the preconceptions. When they don’t it is easier to ignore the facts than to change the preconceptions. - Jessamyn West
He believes that he has no chance of gaining parental rights to his daughter despite the fact that he IS the stable parent. He believes that mothers have more rights than fathers regardless of the situation, we cannot seem to convince him otherwise.
Okay, enough of the family drama and stress talk. Lets spend some time in my garden!
Here is a wildflower growing in my yard that I like and managed to transplant into some pots. maiden53, this is the flower you were asking me about that I’ll have at the yard sale.
I have no idea what this flower is called but it is pretty and I like it! got any ideas what it is?
My lilies are in bloom! I believe these are tiger lilies, they don’t have a fragrance like my white stargazer lilies but they are so pretty!
Got any fun garden photos of plants growing in your neck of the woods?
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On fear and it’s impact on life.
I spend my days trying to teach kids that those fears we harbor inside ourselves can actually keep us from achieving, doing or becoming what we want most. They inhibit success and can trap us. Nothing is worse than not knowing what could have been, that is why you just need to reach for your dreams and get over being afraid to fail.
I am not sure exactly what shaped my thoughts on fear. I know when my mom felt trapped in marriages I picked up on it but I think there must have been something more that made me so set on moving beyond fear.
Fear is supposed to help protect us from injury right? Walking down a dark alley makes you fearful because it is a bad situation and you could be harmed in the situation. Fear helps us avoid potentially dangerous situations, it also prevents us from doing stuff that could potentially improve our lives.
Fear is a red flag meant to get you thinking. It isn’t necessarily something to wholeheartedly base decisions upon. It is important to weight the pros and cons and try to see the positive outcome before simply avoiding the fear.
So, at what point does fear simply become a crutch? I notice my fears when I am exposed to something new or unfamiliar, it seems to sneak up when it shouldn’t and that is just damn annoying.
When I ask my students to try something new they are immediately afraid to try, they might fail. They practically freeze at the thought of doing something they have never tried before. What is so scary about possibly failing something you try? Isn’t the trying simply an accomplishment in it’s self?
In 2 months I am picking up and moving 1500 miles away from my family and friends for N’s job. N and I are not married or engaged so I have no legal financial security, just trust and commitment. I do not have a job lined up out there, just possibilities and options. I have no idea what is in store for us out there but we are going anyway, despite the initial fears. We want a better life for ourselves and we feel this move will bring it. We have done some research but actually all we have is the job offer and the belief that this will be best for us. Are we crazy for just picking up and going? Some people sure think so but we don’t.
The fears are there but we both know that they are simply a natural response to change and uncertainty so we don’t even worry about them. Plus there are just as many positive signs as there are fears so we listen to our gut feeling and we know that this is the right move for us. Plus we have made it through our first smaller scale move away and we did fine, how much worse could it be? We are not worrying ourselves with the fears.
Fear tries to keep us in familiar territory, it allows us to stop looking for better, it can make us bitter. If you really want something more, something better remember that fear is only one aspect to be weighed. Look at all the other sides, what could be gained if you succeed? Is not succeeding in the way you planned really failing at all? Will you wonder and regret if you don’t try? What do you have to loose and what could you gain?
Fear is not the only thing you should base your decisions upon, it is only an aspect to be considered. Sometimes to find better you need trust and courage to keep walking and searching, even when you don’t know where you are going.
Wow, how crazy! It is a small world…
Can i just share soemthing totally crazy with you? I spent yesterday sort of mass mailing band directors and schools trying to land a new colorguard “gig”…
I already have one school interested in hiring me and I also got in touch with the local area’s colorguard organization to see if I could work as a judge at some contests. You know in case I don’t find a group to work with right away…
Turns out the camp I am working this week is being headed up by the very same guy who is incharge of hiring judges out there in indiana. I already know him and he already knows my work, small world huh?
I mean what are the chances that I would already know/ have a working history with someone who is also in charge of hiring judges for the exact place we are headed to? It is crazy how stuff works out sometimes. Kind of like it was planned all along. N thinks it is just validation that we are going where we are truly meant to be, I think he is on to something don’t you?
It makes me feel like things are just falling into place, without much force or hardship. Maybe this is exactly what was planned for us after all!
Reflections on past present and future.
Do you reflect on your life journey? Do you see how one thing leads you to another, does it help you to face the future and the present?
Looking back and reflecting upon the journey is something I tend to do. It gives me perspective on the current events when I look back to see how we got here. I always try to see the positive side of things when I reflect and I seldom have regrets about things. I tend to look back and reflect after the accomplishments in life, it comforts me and gives me the strength to face what is in the future.
N got the official “we want to fly you out here for an interview” communication yesterday after applying to a number of different places. He has built his on air career from nothing and it has only taken him 6 years. Now he has paid his dues and we both feel he is ready and deserves to move on to a better paying more rewarding job. Financial security is important to us and we are also looking to end up somewhere for an extended amount of time so we can buy a home and start a family. Moving on from his current job and leaving family/ friends behind is just part of moving forward in life and his career.
Life has given us plenty of time to come to terms with this and to prepare for the future. Back in February 2006 I wrote a post called Destiny and the Journey of Life- everything happens for a reason that outlined N’s job saga and the 2005 announcement that the station was up for sale. Our world was shattered by the news and we began coming to terms with the fact that we would not be living in our town long term.
Then the news station didn’t sell and began looking less and less likely to. N’s contract was ending and new contract negotiations began, we knew that if we didn’t like the presented offer we would have to find another job offer somewhere else that was better. Again we were faced with the possibility of having to pick up and move elsewhere for a better job.
Come August 2006 more contract negotiations are in the works and eventually N is offered a promotion at his job that is good for the ole resume and for the pocket book. It includes management responsibilities that he is optimistic about and he decides to take the offer, that locks us in for a bit longer here.
In March 2008 we went through more crappy contract negotiations and this time the offer just did not seem worthwhile for the long run so N shows them who is boss and rejects the crappy contract offer, says he will get through the remainder of his current crappy contract and then will move on.
Basically we have been in limo land with N’s job since 2005 and have known that leaving Arizona and pursuing better opportunities was the direction we were headed. We have been presented with a number of chances to stay put and avoid change and until now they were all somewhat worthwhile at the time. I know they were necessary to get us to where we are today but I also know that it is time for change now.
It has been a worthwhile 3 year journey that has taught us much about what we are capable of. We now know what we want and what we don’t. Most importantly, we have finally decided that we are capable of getting it.
I think that the biggest thing that holds people back is their own doubts and insecurities. If you don’t believe in your self 100% how can you possibly convince others to believe in you? Up until recently we have been doubting ourselves and feeling insecure, I know that has kept us from experiencing the success we desire.
Do you think you have been doubtful or insecure about change in your life? Has it impacted your success or lack thereof when you reflect upon it?
I know that staying positive and hopeful about our abilities is an ongoing battle for everyone. Especially for us through this recent bout of job searching but remaining hopeful and confident is essential to your success!
Reflections are important because they help us to see how we were in the past so that we can improve for the future.
If you are experiencing times of change or uncertainty take a moment to reflect on the past in a positive light, see how it got you to where you are today. Praise yourself for how far you have come and how much you have grown, then figure out what you can do different this time to achieve even better results!
My garden teaches me a lesson about life.
Yep you read the title right, my garden educated me today. Yesterday we spent money on our garden, you see we love to grow and enjoy stuff and since we had just received some product rebates we had some “free money”. We couldn’t think of a better way to burn free money.
So we bought some perennial flowers, some berry bushes and some herbs. Our last danger of frost is like june 15th here in Northern Arizona so we had to cover and bring some of the tender plants inside last night. This morning when I was taking N to work we dragged the plants back outside to get some sun and I figured it would be nice to do my computer work outside to enjoy the warmer weather and the beauty of my new plants.
When I manage to drag myself outside to enjoy my surroundings I always end up reflecting on life and relaxing… So here I am watching the birds, feeling the breeze and enjoying everything around me when I start to think about all the hardy plants in my garden. Plants like echinacea, geraniums, yarrow, daffodils, tulips, muscari and berry bushes all have to weather the storms- literally. They go dormant during the winter and hang on for dear life through the snow, ice and freezing temperatures. Come spring the plants miraculously reappear despite the harsh, long winter and are as beautiful as ever.
Weather and the garden are symbolic. Seasons change as do circumstances and stages in our lives. We all have storms to endure and at the time it can feel like we wont make it. There is uncertainty and doubt but come spring the winds change and new beginnings abound.
We are faced with opportunities that we never dreamed would be possible and often times we don’t even see that the hard times are what got us to where we are today. Without the chilling temperatures the tulips would never have had the opportunity to bloom again.
So, when it seems like you are lost in the confusion of change and uncertainty remember that the changing seasons are necessary to get you to the next stage. Trust that things will work out and that you will end up where you need to be even if you can’t see it happening at this exact moment. Life has a plan for each of us, even when we can’t see it.
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