Beautiful earth mama or Giant spawn incubating freak…

Posted on May 20 in 2008 pregnancy, personal storiesby TalinaPrint

It is funny, when you get pregnant you find that many things you once did without thought are now much more difficult and require much more planning than before.

I never thought that I would miss being able to clip my own toe nails, reach my calves to shave them or be able to sit with my knees together. Now that I am pregnant I do really miss being able to do these things and I am realizing how much I took my mobility for granted.

Simple things like sitting down and getting up are a huge struggle. Trying to put on underwear or pants on often requires leaning on walls or raising the legs up along the side of the belly (as opposed to lifting them straight in front of you). Bending over requires the legs to be spread and sometimes you even need to bend the knees a tad so you don’t pass out or so you can actually reach what you are trying to retrieve.

Shoot, now that Tater is urinating about 1 pint a day I am even finding myself strategizing my bathroom trips as they have increased in frequency while my ability to get around has decreased. “Is this an effective time to visit the bathroom? Is my bladder sufficiently full or will it be a wasted trip that only results in having to repeat it again in 5 min?”

I wish my bed had those “oh shit” handles that are in cars so I could hoist myself up with my upper body as opposed to wriggling and rolling myself on to my feet. Also need the “oh shit” handles in the bathtub, on the side of the couch and possibly an “oh shit” bar near the toilet. Sad, but oh so true.

Also, when the phone rings I kind of panic. You see the machine picks up after 4 rings and now it takes me about 2 rings to get up and moving towards the ringing. If god forbid the phone isn’t in the place I thought it would be chances are I’ll miss picking up the phone before the machine does. And everyone ALWAYS hangs up on the machine so my efforts are usually wasted anyway.

Oh and you know how girls are supposed to wipe from front to back? How the hell do you do that when you’ve got the preggo belly in the way? Are my arms unusually short or something because I can’t reach anymore! LOL.

This last weekend 90% of the people around me were blatantly staring at me and it wasn’t because I had a booger on my face or a shit stain on the pants! They would just stare at my body all perplexed like. “What nobody’s seen a petite pregnant lady before?” One woman even *gasp* touched my belly and I about freaked.

N was perusing the freezer case while she got all mushy and weird on me. He was chuckling and watching out of the corner of his eye while she put her hand on my belly and remarked at how I am “all baby” and when am I due… I must have oozed of “get the fuck off me” because she only touched me for a second with her two fingers then immediately backed off (thank goodness).

I assured her I had gained sufficient weight both in my hips, belly and boobs since becoming pregnant (join the pool and wager your best guess on my gained weight, time is running out!) while I gradually backed away from her “personal bubble” invading and made my way over to N for some backup.

Once she was gone we had a good laugh about the ackward situation. We also blatently stared back at everyone in the stores to make them equally uncomfortable.

Ahh, the joys of pregnancy are great aren’t they? Actually, they pretty much make you feel like a freak. A magical, human incubating, freak. Can you tell I am not feeling the “earth mama” beauty these days?

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7 Comments

• Janelle says:

  May 20, 2009 at 4:21 pm

  I wholeheartedly agree about the “oh shit” handle bars for the bed! I feel like I must lob myself off a circus trampoline to get in and out of that thing!

  What I hate most is the toilet part. I usually sit there for an extra 30 seconds and then get up and decide to sit down for another 30 seconds, then finish and put my pants on, and then start all over again. You know… just to be SURE. lol.

  Janelles last blog post..What about Liza?
• witchypoo says:

  May 20, 2009 at 5:07 pm

  Hereabouts, we call them “holy fuck” bars.

  witchypoos last blog post..SB Bed And Breakfast Sort Of
• Donna B. says:

  May 20, 2009 at 5:30 pm

  During my last month and 1/2 with my son, I could not sit up straight — I was carrying him SO high I didn’t need a bra as he was pushing everything way up.

  I could not get out of my recliner or my bed without help. I spent as much time standing up as possible as it was really the only position in which I could breathe freely.

  He didn’t start dropping until my water broke, so I was completely miserable until his birth.

  At least with him, I was compensated with a short and relatively painless labor. The nurses were coming in with pain shots for me (this was the 70s) and I kept telling them to give them to the woman next door who was screaming her head off and keeping me from napping

  Donna B.s last blog post..Scent Of A Newly Mown Lawn
• Donna B. says:

  May 20, 2009 at 5:32 pm

  And… I really do not get strangers thinking it’s OK to touch a pregnant woman’s belly. I didn’t even think about touching my own daughters’ pregnant bellies until they invited me to.

  Donna B.s last blog post..Scent Of A Newly Mown Lawn
• Veronica says:

  May 21, 2009 at 3:09 am

  Actually, I agree after seeing your photo, you really are all baby. I bet most of the weight in your hips and stuff is water and not actually, you know, fat.

  Veronicas last blog post..Dear Nathan
• N says:

  May 21, 2009 at 10:41 am

  I still laugh about the belly touch in the freezer section. I could just sense what was going on behind me and then decided to spy in the reflection of the freezer door. I was totally ready to lob that giant tub of generic ice cream down the aisle if I had to!

  I know you don’t think my opinion ever counts but I think you are a “beautiful earth momma”

  Ns last blog post..Rogue gardener “steals” mint
• Hyphen Mama says:

  May 23, 2009 at 8:27 am

  Oh honey!! I started reading this post last night, while packing my car, and keep coming back to it. People get all crazy around pregnant women. I bet they’re all staring at you because you are GLOWING and GORGEOUS! What they’re thinking is “Man, I never looked THAT good when I was pregnant.” And it’s just a cliche that people say when they want to compliment you by saying “You’re not fat or ANYTHING… you’re just ALL BABY.” I think women who have HAD babies, want to touch women who are incubating babies, and for whatever reason, feel it’s okay to touch stranger’s bellies. Just wait until you have a gorgeous little baby and strangers want to touch her… and touch her little FACE with their dirty, germy hands. Get your “back off!” face ready.

  It’s crazy, isn’t it?

  Hyphen Mamas last blog post..All this guilt, and I’m not even Catholic….

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